Momentum
by XxMookinexX
Summary: Lily and James. Their relationship was never simple. Never easy. Anything but inevitable.


_**Momentum  
**__A collection of snippets by __XxMookinexX  
Based on the Harry Potter books by J. K. Rowling_

_Their relationship was never simple. Never easy. Anything but inevitable._

_Rated K+ for character death and language. _

_I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters, I only wish I did. Any and all unrecognizable characters belong solely to me and are not to be touched. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intention to entertain. _

_Lyrics are a collection from: 'Momentum' by The Hush Sound, 'Momentum' by Tobymac, 'Momentum' by Aimee Mann, 'Momentum' by Brother's Keeper, 'A New Momentum' by Chevelle, 'Momentum' by Modern Life is War, 'Momentum' by Vienna Teng, 'Momentum' by Depression, 'Universe Momentum' by Obscura, 'Love at Your Momentum' by No Address, 'Gaining Momentum' by MC Hammer and 'Momentum' by Diary of Dreams._

_Happy New Year 2011._

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_**Spend a lifetime searching for some kind of truth. Only to pass time. **_

In the beginning, Lily Evans was a Muggle, and nothing very interesting happened to her at all until she met Severus Snape, and he told her she was a witch. _She_ was a witch, and Petunia was not, so life with Petunia became very strained after that, but her parents were proud, and she was excited, so she went to Hogwarts and left Petunia behind.

It would be nice if Hogwarts was her beginning. But it was _their_ beginning, the beginning of her life with James. When she thinks about it in later life, she would always consider that even that wasn't much of a beginning. Or it wasn't the kind of beginning you heard stories about. She hadn't wanted to share a carriage with him, and she'd turned her back on Sirius at the Sorting. It was not a good start, and neither of them thought any more of each other for another couple of weeks.

_**I'm begging your pardon, but I feel like starting something. **_

She was brilliant. Of course she was, she studied more than anyone, even Dirk Cresswell, learnt with a passion and showed off to a degree. She was secretly thrilled with her own talent. James Potter was surprised and intrigued by her skill. For him, no girl had ever matched him before, not that he'd met many girls prior to Hogwarts, but she was the first to ever catch his attention. He didn't particularly like her. She was a bit stuck up, a bit unmovable, and she didn't know how to fly without wobbling so much he thought she didn't know her up and down from her left and right.

She heard him tell his friend Sirius Black so, and she never completely forgave him for it. In fact, no matter what her friends Mary Macdonald and Marlene McKinnon said to try and change her mind, it was from then that she became obsessed with proving him wrong. That was why, before Davey Gudgeon nearly lost his eye, she came the closest to touching the trunk of the Whomping Willow, beating James Potter by nearly half a metre. She made an extra effort in all her lessons, determined to understand and perfect each new spell taught to them before he did.

For the most part, he didn't notice, too busy watching Sirius feign throwing up each time he saw his cousin Andromeda smiling half-heartedly at Lucius Malfoy, or throwing insults at Severus, or staring wide-eyed at the Quidditch, almost on tiptoe, dying to be up there with them. Flying was all he cared about, and rule-breaking, and Sturgis Podmore, Gryffindor fourth year was his role-model. It was Sturgis who showed James how to get into the kitchens, and it was this, Lily was certain, that earned him his initial popularity.

_**Caught in the turmoil, spinning around, reaching for calm, not to be found. **_

Second year served up Regulus Black, who Lily was much obliged to see sorted into Slytherin. She naively thought for a minute that Sirius would be an influence for good in James. That they would detract their bullying of Severus, her best friend and a Slytherin, now that his younger brother had also joined that house, but the case was quite the opposite. In fact, if anything their bullying increased. It was as if Sirius Black suddenly had something to prove. Perhaps he was trying to be as unlike his brother as possible?

He hated all Slytherins, and whilst Lily couldn't exactly stand either Avery or Mulciber, she thought James' bickering with Lucinda Talkalot was meaningless. It annoyed her that they got so possessive over their respective Quidditch teams, and she wished James wasn't old enough to join their Gryffindor team. Wished he wouldn't show off. Severus had done nothing to them. She hated how James always disregarded all the good things in people. He only ever saw what he disliked, and she never realised that she saw him in the same manner. She didn't know she was hypocritical.

_**Guarded he keeps by a fire-screen of peace.**_

James, Sirius and Peter figured out Remus' secret, and confronted him about it, learning the true purpose of the Whomping Willow. It was Peter who pointed out that if there was one secret passageway in the school, there could be others, and Sirius who said they should explore more. It took the three of them much longer to think of a way to _help_ Remus. Professor McGonegall was surprised by how much their Transfiguration homework started to improve, whilst other teachers were disappointed by their lack of interest.

Lily never noticed the way he looked after Remus Lupin. Mary Macdonald did. She often commented on how kind James was, how he looked out for his friends, and Lily was known to snort, and turn away. She liked Remus, but she didn't want to know about his furry little problem, and wished James would shut up about that stupid rabbit. The rabbit in their dormitory was simply further proof of their lack of adherence to the rules. She refrained from telling a teacher only because it was Remus', rather than James', and she felt bad for him because he had a very sick mother.

In the back of her mind, she started to see some of the downsides to Slytherin, embodied in people like Narcissa Black, and the rumours of her older sister Bellatrix. She started to read the newspapers, and see her place in the war taking place outside Hogwarts, but she was a little scared of it, or what it could mean, so she tried to ignore the problem around Severus. Severus, who'd told her that her blood would never matter. She acted like James' concerns about Slytherins were unfounded, like they'd always been in her mind before, and in denial she lived out her days.

_**These rules are made to break and these walls are built to fall. These rules are made to break us all.**_

Her third year was mostly uneventful, even with their trips to Hogsmead, and James' sudden addiction to practical jokes. They made her laugh, and she had to hide her laughter behind her hand, each time, and Mary said she was dreadful, and Marlene rolled her eyes. She didn't want him to know she thought he was funny. It became easier to hide whenever they targeted Severus Snape.

He resented how much time she spent with the slimy git, and how she alone was so persistently not amused whenever they had fun. Of course Severus Snape was an easy target to him. He hadn't understood yet that his hatred was born from jealousy. Remus did. He told James one day.

_**I lie awake wondering why I'm an all or nothing kid and why I've been feeling like nothing all of the time.**_

She had a shock seeing Sirius raving mad with anger. She'd never seen anyone so angry, and for once, it wasn't Severus who was the brunt of his objections, but his brother.

James didn't join in, but kept eye contact with her as she stood there, horrified, unable to call a teacher as he faced off Evan Rosier, Bartemius Crouch and Mustifer Wilkes, forbidding them to join the brothers' argument. He knew she recognised them as Severus Snape's friends, and he hoped it made her sick. But he was glad when Peter tugged on her arm, and gladder when she let herself be dragged away.

Marlene was the one who found the note from Andromeda, although Lily always suspected Remus had brought it to her:

_'I'm sorry, Sirius. You were right. Of course, I'm keeping the baby. Nymphadora Tonks is the daughter of the man I love. I can't marry Lucius. I don't care if Aunt Walberga does burn me from the tapestry. We're going to elope. I don't know if I shall see you again, but know that I love you dearly. You have always given me sound advice. So let me give you some in return. Look after Regulus. I know he can be a bit difficult, and it's hard to love him when he's the favourite, but he needs you. These are uncertain times. War is brewing, and the Ministry's in disarray. If you don't stop him from becoming what he wants to, no one will, and he's so bright, Sirius. He could be great. He could be good.'_

_**No shame in this game. I'm following my heart not my brain.**_

In forth year Marlene McKinnon decided to try her hand at Quidditch, and suddenly Lily and Mary were spending a lot more time down at the pitch, watching practice. Lily noticed James' sudden rise in ego, probably due to the silver captain's badge pinned to his lapel, with distaste. He was popular, and she wished he wasn't. She didn't like how other girls giggled around him.

James liked to show off to her. He wanted her to be impressed with him for once in her life, and made a joking comment on how he'd beaten her to the prefects' bathroom. He was the only one in their year allowed because he was Quidditch Captain, Chaser extraordinaire, and prefects were assigned in fifth year.

His words only annoyed her even more. She worked even harder, until she was guaranteed to get that prefect badge. She wanted to retain equal footing, and it was hard, because despite her best efforts he was becoming better than her in Transfiguration, and that was infuriating.

Mary spent long hours remarking how much she liked him, which only vexed her further. She didn't see what Mary saw in him. Didn't she find the way he brushed back his hair annoying? Couldn't she see the way he swaggered? The way he always bullied Severus? To which Mary would sniff, and remark that she didn't see what Lily saw in Severus, and Lily became rather offended.

_**You are the dark ocean bottom and I am the fast sinking anchor. Should I fall for you?**_

Marlene became friends with the Marauders, as she informed Lily, with a giggle, they liked to be called. Mostly it was because she spent so much time with James on the pitch. Lily disapproved, but that was nothing to how much she would have disapproved had she known what was going to happen as a result of their friendship. Case in point, it was Marlene who encouraged James when he asked her if Lily was open to the idea of being asked out. Foolish Marlene, but Marlene had made the mistake of taking Lily's obsession to beat James as a sign of obsession _with_ James. She couldn't see the difference, but there _was_ a difference.

Lily found it hard to hate him, it was true. But she knew her own mind, and she _knew_ she didn't like him. So when he first asked her out, she said she was sorry.

James asked Marlene if Lily was open to persuasion, and Marlene replied she obviously didn't know Lily's mind as well as she'd thought she did and apologised in turn, feeling awful. She wasn't the only one.

'_Oh, Lily, how could you?_'

Mary made it quite clear that all the little declarations were actually serious hints. So when he asked the second time, she was quite emphatically sorry.

He got the wrong impression. Poor Bertram Aubrey happened to be passing by, and she blushed from being overheard, and James took it in quite the wrong way. One week later he and Sirius had hexed Bertram so badly that his head swollen up to twice its original size. He noticed that Lily didn't apologise the third time he asked her out, she flat out declined. He didn't realise why. Instead, he tried everything he could to get her attention again, usually making an idiot of himself over her.

She found it awfully amusing to note that James would even lower himself to flirting with Emma Vanity, a seventh year and the Slytherin Quidditch captain, in front of her to make her jealous. Sirius had to take James aside for a private word after that, and it was the source of some considerable bickering.

Any bickering at Hogwarts was still much more preferable to the bickering at home, as Severus was oft to remind her. Vernon Dersley, Petunia's boyfriend, practically lived with them throughout the holidays, claiming to be a helping hand with her father's declining health. Lily found her sister's relationship to be utterly disgusting, and often told Severus so. It was the last summer holiday the two friends would spend together, although Lily didn't know that at the time.

_**Somebody said you better let go 'cause they said so, but I could never let this thing go. **_

Lily finally earned the silver prefect badge when she became a fifth year, and revelled in her higher status than James. Whilst it was true that his Quidditch captain badge entitled him to use the prefects' bathroom, she also had the power to deduct points _from him_ whenever she saw fit, and she thought it appropriate most of the time. It was only out of a love for Gryffindor that she restrained herself to moments when he broke the rules.

Fortunately, she was not disappointed. The Marauders were nearly always missing from their beds after hours in fifth year, and she greatly enjoyed catching them in the act of coming back through the portrait hole, always noticing how James would be stuffing something back under his robes.

She was always annoyed when she found Remus amongst them. He was supposed to be a prefect, and she wanted him to take his powers with responsibility. She wanted him to stop his friends from parading around like they owned Hogwarts. They were nothing but a bunch of hooligans. When she told him as much, he said they preferred to refer to themselves as messrs. But she was gratified to see that they stopped sneaking out after the first few times she caught them. Either that, or, as she grew to suspect over time as the number of pranks didn't diminish, they'd developed a new way of getting in and out of the common room undetected. It was aggravating when they pulled that off, because she started to feel like she was being laughed at.

The four of them had mapped out quite a lot of the school by the time they finally achieved successful animagus transformations. He pointed out that it had come just in time, since they could investigate the grounds now. Remus was the one to say he thought they should draw it all down. He was never one for pranks, but he liked their adventures. They all felt the Marauders' Map could be a legacy of sorts.

Probably because she'd been spending a lot more time _with_ Remus, Lily slowly became aware that he had a monthly routine. Half way through the year, she understood that his friends knew too, because the times they started to sneek out began to revolve around him, and so she took to avoiding the common room on nights of the full moon. She could now comprehend with much more alacrity why Remus could never stand up to his friends, and she decided to purse her lips. The reason for planting the Whomping Willow was clearer, although she still didn't know where it led. She wasn't stupid enough to try and find out. She wondered what the other three had started to do on those nights, but knew better than to ask. She didn't want to alarm Remus, because the more she got to know him, the more she realised how much he kept to himself in fear, and the more she wanted to become his friend.

_**When I can't confront the doubts I have, I can't admit that maybe the past was bad. **_

It was around this time that Severus' Slytherin friends, Mulciber in particular, started to become particularly rowdy and insulting. She had never heard the word _Mudblood_ before Mulciber used it on Mary, and Mary burst into tears. Then came the spell Lily was later convinced was Dark Magic.

James had never hexed _anyone_ so fast.

Severus kept telling Lily how much James loved her, and it made her blush, because she did like some parts of him. He was a brilliant wizard, for all his arrogance, and impulsiveness, and she disliked the way Severus kept on about Remus. She worried about his opinions on halfbloods and lycanthropy. His friends were deeply unpleasant, and whilst she did consider James to be an arrogant toerag, it was nothing to how she considered Mulciber, and she was sorely tempted to tell Severus so, but she settled for giving him the benefit of the doubt once again, and wondering aloud at his choice of friends.

_**Love at your momentum, I'm skipping like a stone. I'm tired of screwing up.**_

It was O.W.L. year, so of course Lily was studying very hard. She wanted to do well, not to prove herself to anyone in particular, but because she liked to learn, and because she needed a good job when she graduated. Besides, studying was a useful distraction from her family dramas back home. James asked her out a forth time, and she declined because he was running his hands through his hair at the time and that annoyed her, but she found time for some romance. She went to Hogsmead with Adrian, who liked photography, and was in the Slug Club with her, but she didn't particularly like him all that much, and broke up with him fairly quickly. Still, she greatly preferred Adrian to Dirk Cresswell, who was also in the Slug Club, and unhealthily obsessed with his image and the idea of how much better he would look with Lily by his side. As if she could ever be an accessory. That was James Potter's remark to his friends.

James took a liking to Greta Catchlove during this time, although it was only for appearances. His friends knew and insisted he was only doing it because of Greta's baking and his love for her food. Remus assured Lily of this, because he noticed that she'd noticed. She was annoyingly relieved. Whatever anyone thought, the two were mysteriously separated again once Lily returned to single life.

Meanwhile Mary took to stalking down Sirius Black, who spent his time trying to actively avoid her in between the arguments with Regulus and his continued harassment of Severus Snape. Marlene stuck to Remus and Peter, hoping one of her hormonal friends would finally settle down.

_**What on earth could be worse than not to know what you feel? A piece of me still holding on to what is lost and gone.**_

The fifth time James asked Lily out, it wasn't so much a question, as blackmail.

'_If you'll just go out with me Evans_.'

She hadn't meant to be so cruel to him, but just as Severus had taken his embarrassment out on her, she'd taken her frustration out on James, listing some of her particular annoyances with him over the years. Of course she hadn't wanted him to force Severus to apologise. Severus should have apologised on his own. In fact, he should have never called her _Mudblood_ in the first place. Little wonder she snubbed him for the rest of their exams.

Marlene and Mary watched her cry about it just _once_ in the privacy of their dormitory, and didn't tell anyone, and were kind enough not to say they'd told her so, even though they _had_. Mary even fetched her when Severus refused to leave the corridor outside their common room the night their exams ended. There was a party going on. Lily hadn't been in a partying mood. Their exams were over, but all that meant to Lily was that the time had run out for her to find her words, and she ended her friendship with Severus that day coolly, because she was utterly bitter at how spineless he had become. He was wrong about everything.

James kissed Marlene during the party, which pissed Sirius off, but kept any number of girls who liked him too much off of his back. He regretted it when he pulled away, and she said it wasn't fair of him to use her to get revenge on Lily. He explained he'd never meant to. He'd never thought of her that way. Marlene was one of his friends, regardless of whether she was friends with Lily. But both of them knew he would never have kissed her if Lily had been in the room, and quietly decided not to bring it up again. Sirius didn't speak to James for the rest of that week, even though they won both the Quidditch Cup and the House Cup.

_**All those minutes and days and hours I have frittered away and I know life is getting shorter. **_

In the summer before her sixth year, her father finally slipped away, and it was just Lily, Petunia and her mother then, and her mother was worn by grief. So she was distracted through most of the beginning of sixth year with obnoxious letters from Petunia, complaining of how much Owls smelled, and asking why she couldn't take some time out of school to _help_ the situation. The letters from her mother were very clear that if Lily took so much as a day off, she wouldn't be hearing the end of it for the rest of her life.

James found Sirius on his doorstep, with everything he owned behind him, in the rain, and laughed to have his friend living with him. The two had one quick fight to sort out their lingering feelings over Marlene, James to assuade his guilt, Sirius to admit that he had actually liked the girl, before becoming fast friends again. Sirius' Uncle Alphard sent him enough galleons to keep him happy for years, and Sirius immediately spent lots of it on a flying motorcycle that James privately wished was his own, but would never take from his friend, who'd never had much of anything before.

Despite the drama being recounted in full during the first few weeks, Lily only found out Sirius had run away from home to live with the Potters when Remus explained the situation to her during their rounds one evening in mid-November. Her mouth had dropped open, as had Mary and Marlene's when she told them she hadn't known. James worried about her.

_**What are you thinking as I gaze into you? Forgive me the confusion. Forgive me as I realize my thoughts betrayed. You are the answer. Cry and smile the same. **_

Most of sixth year took Lily by surprise. It felt like she had been sleeping through it. Only half awake. Half aware of her surroundings. The world outside was becoming increasingly dangerous, her mother was bed-ridden, had been for months, Severus had joined the Slug Club to stay close to her, even though she avoided him, and she kept thinking to herself that James wasn't being nearly as distracting as he normally was. She missed his attention, and when she quietly admitted that to her nearest and closest friends, Mary was fantastically angry.

'_No, Lily. You can't! Don't you dare start liking James now that he's moving on! You have to like him seriously, or not at all._'

Marlene had quietly agreed with her, and Lily had blushed, ashamed at herself, and avoided pursuing the subject further.

In her inner turmoil, she missed how upset Marlene was. She didn't notice the way Sirius kept refusing to talk to her. She missed the entire thing. James did not. He definitely noticed that Sirius couldn't look at Marlene anymore, and he'd known that he was responsible for it, and he thought his best friend was an idiot of epic proportions. It really wasn't Marlene's fault that he had kissed her, but Sirius loved James, they were family, and it was so much easier to blame Marlene than have to admit that maybe James had done something he shouldn't have. But something bigger came up before he could do anything about it.

All she ever knew of what happened to James in sixth year was wrapped up in Peter whispering something to James, and his face going deathly pale as he stormed from the room, and the rumours that when he'd found Sirius, he'd punched him, and then everyone knew that James, Sirius and Severus were talking to the headmaster, and Remus wasn't talking to anyone.

James had never been so angry with Sirius before in his life. Of course, they pranked, and of course, they hated Severus, because he was a slimy git who was totally obsessed by the Dark Arts, but James hated Severus more because he knew how well he'd gotten on with Lily, and James had never been able to get Lily to laugh without her stifling it in front of him. Their pranks were usually harmless. Mostly harmless. Okay, a lot of them had been stupid, but he couldn't believe Sirius would send Severus after Remus like that. Remus would have never forgiven him. He really hadn't had a choice when Peter told him what Sirius had done. Of course he'd gone after Snape, and pulled him back, and he'd hit Sirius as hard as he could when he saw him again.

Lily got the story from Remus on the Hogwarts Express on their way home, after finally confessing that she had known he was a werewolf for a while, and it should be no surprise that she still loved him. Remus would later say she was there for him at a time when no-one else was. She had wanted to break Sirius' jaw, but she realised James had already done that. James had already done everything she would have done had their positions been reversed. He'd even saved Severus. Saved him, even though she knew he didn't like him, and that Severus would not have been easy to save. Her first instinct was to go and find him, possibly kiss him, but she was distracted by another owl from home explaining no-one would be picking her up from the station because her mum wasn't feeling well, and she'd gotten a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach.

_**Won't you help me rise up? Touch my face and watch me try to breathe again.**_

James' train ride home was horrible. Sirius kept trying to talk to him and he wasn't having any of it, and Peter was rubbish at making peace, meanwhile Remus had refused to sit with them. Remus, their friend, would rather sit in the prefect carriage than spend time with them, and it irked him that Sirius was so unbearably thick. James had been quite clear with them. He wasn't kicking Sirius out of his home, of course not, but he was very angry with him, and would appreciate some space for a little while.

But then his dad died, and he wanted everyone around him. Needed his friends like never before to get him through it, to help him stand up and be the man of his house. Remus and Sirius would have become friends again eventually. They couldn't _not_ be friends, but James' turmoil was the catalyst to bring them together, firmer than ever before. Their group was the tightest. They knew the four of them would always be there for each other. Nothing would ever break them apart.

Her mother died in the summer and Petunia got married. They sold their home, and Lily realised she'd need to find a new one when she graduated because she wouldn't be welcome at Petunia's. Petunia told her as much. Petunia told her to go away and keep away, and Lily, tired of arguing all the time, had said she would if that was what Petunia really wanted. Petuina had said it was, and that was that.

Lily was surprised to find James on the train, a silver HB badge pinned to his chest. He was not surprised at the matching HG badge on hers. He was surprised by the hug though, or rather, the way she collapsed into him, and he had never realised she could be so soft and warm around him.

_**Learn to choose to breathe then stitch your arm to me.**_

Sirius was suspicious of her. Hated that she seemed to be spending so much time around James, and that the two weren't bickering anymore. He wasn't jealous. He thought she was playing a game, and he had to confront her because he couldn't stand to think of her breaking his best friend's heart.

She'd never been so embarrassed, than the time Sirius had cornered her and asked her what her game was. It had been surprisingly hard to admit she wasn't playing one. She wasn't confused. Remus knew. Lily had liked James for a longer time than she'd care to admit. Sirius was pleased. He looked at the way she looked at James, and thought that all was good. She was genuine, and it was about bloody time the two of them did something about Prongs' ridiculous attraction to her.

James was confused because he didn't understand when Lily had started getting on so well with all his friends. He'd been amazed that she didn't hate him anymore. He'd thought it was a miracle. He'd even made her laugh! But because she seemed to like everyone else as well, he found it hard to believe that her change of heart was because of him. Yes, they were friends now, and that was a definite victory, but he could see as she teased and joked Peter about the length of his hair, that he was no closer to getting her to like him now than ever before. Sirius had sighed. Sirius was the only one James could have admitted his doubts to.

'_You don't see the way she looks at you, mate._'

The real fifth time he asked her out they were in the library, and he'd meant to ask her about a piece of Defence Against the Dark Arts homework he'd been working on, and somehow in staring at the way the sunlight fell on her face, and lit her up the words slipped out. His favourite memory became that of her green eyes softening, and her lips saying yes. He barely had the courage to kiss her because he was terrified it was a dream.

_**I can't stand to hear you cry. No more problems, no last goodbye. No, no more finishing last. No, no more looking in the past. **_

Lily passed some kind of test when she found out about Regulus becoming a Death Eater as soon as he'd turned sixteen. She understood that it was meant to be some kind of explanation for Sirius' behaviour at the end of the previous year, so her first reaction wasn't pity or heartfelt apologies, but pursed lips and folded arms.

'_That was no excuse for what you did._'

She wasn't surprised by the true regret on Sirius' face. He rarely showed what he felt, but she knew he wasn't heartless. She knew he was complicated, more complicated than most people she'd met, but in many ways, he reminded her of Marlene. He didn't wear his heart on his sleeve, except to express his anger. He lashed out when he was feeling upset or threatened, because he didn't like to feel weak. He'd spent all of his childhood being judged for woolly thinking, for having sympathies to Mudbloods, for being _brave_, as if bravery equated to cross-dressing. He'd never really tried to impress his parents, he'd given up on that idea ages ago. He knew he'd never impress his mother, and so it was his friends who had become the givers of unconditional love in his life. James and his parents, who were irreplaceable to him, who he would gladly die to defend.

Marlene didn't have a troubled past. She had a loving family, but there was something in the way her parents preferred her sister that had twisted her inside. She didn't say what she thought. She'd taught herself not to. She was used to swallowing her words. It was something Lily had never known how to do. Lily could never say one thing and mean something else, but that was what Marlene and Sirius were always able to do. She didn't really understand their logic, but Lily wasn't blind. She discovered Marlene's best kept secret in watching Sirius, and meeting Marlene's gaze at the same point. She tried to be encouraging, but Marlene said there were issues. Marlene didn't want Lily to know about her kiss with James. She wanted to keep that secret buried. She'd rather Sirius blamed her for it, than Lily ever know what had happened. It was what Sirius had always found appealing about her. Marlene was always safe. She understood. Marlene was one of the guys.

Lily discovered a lot more depth to the Marauders than she first suspected. Remus' lycanthropy had always been at the forefront of her mind, but she'd never guessed that the others had become animagi to keep him company. She'd never thought of how lonely he would be. She'd only ever considered his human feelings, unlike the other three. More than ever, she was in love with James. Discovering all the sides to him he'd never dared to show her before, and she was glad she'd given in, given him the chance to show her all he could be. He was so relaxed, despite being quick to act, he had a way of thinking about the future and not worrying about it that she found refreshing. She'd been feeling more and more claustrophobic with each newspaper article, another death to make her wretch. He expected her to look after herself, but he told her he wouldn't let anything happen to her, and she was reassured.

She'd always thought James was trying to impress her when he cursed people, but she grew to learn that he wasn't doing it for a laugh, he was doing it because he was angry, because he had a strict ideology on what was right and wrong, and punished those who crossed the line. Those he thought were obsessed with the Dark Arts, or blood purity. She still didn't like the way he inflicted his feelings on others so cruelly. She thought there were more diplomatic ways, but she understood why he did it, and turned her back on the occasions where she hadn't been there to stop him. She didn't want to change James. She liked him for who he was. Brilliant, stubborn, honest, quick witted, impulsive, hot head that he was.

She'd never realised Peter had been his mother's only support for so many years. Never looked to see why he so desperately acted like a child at school, because he was the responsible one at home. All she'd seen was a boy who was in love with his friends, who liked to copy them in everything, who they only kept around because he was useful. In many ways, Lily realised, she'd been more arrogant and conceited than she could believe. Peter was nervous a lot of the time, but he wanted love, and she grew to see the good things in him as well. The way he'd often pick up on what Sirius meant to say whenever he couldn't express himself correctly. The quiet way he'd really listen to Remus when he was lecturing them, and the subtle way he'd let the other two know that their friend was actually really angry. The way he could tell if she was stressed out or having a bad day, and he'd bring her butterbeer from the kitchens, and give her that quick, nervous smile. She became endeared to him in the way he'd shout at her when she and James fought, and explain clearly how stupid she was being. She guessed he was just as angry with James in those moments, and she loved him for it. He had a very clear sense of keeping their pack together. He hated being on his own, and always sought out their company, so he hated it when the others made this difficult for him. She wouldn't necessarily call him a peace keeper, but he had a way of keeping them together, and she appreciated him for it.

'_Move in with me?_'

James asked her as their school days began to draw to a close. It was the middle of summer, and the days had become long and drawn out. They took to sitting by the lake, watching the sun burn out as the light faded into dusk. He used to draw spirals on her stomach as she tried to study, and he grew frustrated with having to think too much. They were days Lily wanted to last forever, but she knew they wouldn't. So she agreed. Well, she said she would eventually, but she wanted to go travelling with Mary and Marlene. She wanted a summer to feel young and free, before the darkness of the wizarding war closed in.

He let her go, because he loved their fights, but he loved it more whenever she gave into him. Loved every bit of her, and she knew she loved him. Loved him more than she'd ever have guessed.

_**Like lions in the face of a growing crowd, too little and too late on the day when all will fall.**_

She went to Corfu. She laughed and danced with her friends on the sand. She loved that she could apparate anywhere, that nothing could hold her back, that at any moment, if the war became too much, she could run. But she never would. She could never leave them behind. She could never let them die.

They moved back to London. Mary's flat was the most beautiful collection of architecture and art she'd ever seen. Metal spirals, musical notes, black painted patterns on the raw red brick walls. It was basement level, and there was a giant fire in the middle of the room that rotated around the open-plan room. It was warm there. It was a home. Marlene's was a pigsty. She'd lived there for a day before her bras were strewn around the room. She had a lounge, and a bedroom, and a small cupboard that passed for a kitchen, although Marlene was never one to like cooking, she ordered take-outs. Her apartment had more cupboards than any Lily had ever seen, but they were rendered somewhat pointless by Marlene's refusal to let her open any. James found out the reason why in helping her move some stuff out of her parents' house. In opening one, all the piles of crap fell out and swept his feet out from under him. Lily had laughed herself silly. Remus and Peter lived together, and their house was by far the most orderly. They had a spare room, or it was meant to be a spare room, but Sirius occupied it most nights. Sirius had an apartment of his own, and it was a very good apartment. There were doors that weren't broken. No paint peeled from the walls. The coffee machine hadn't yet exploded. He just didn't like to live there. He was always more of a stray than a housedog. He liked living out of other people's pockets.

James and Lily lived in a small apartment in Notting Hill. She wouldn't have called the decoration tasteful, but it wasn't tacky either. It was very much a home of convenience. There was nothing wrong with it, and she'd liked filling it with beautiful things, but she'd always known in the back of her mind that they wouldn't be staying there that long. It was useful, and it fulfilled its duties. It was everything a temporary home should be. A large bedroom with high ceilings and a totally lush double bed. A kitchen you could lounge around in, cuddling on the sofa in front of the TV. She liked coming home to it, but mostly she came home to him.

They worked. Her boys began their exhausting Auror training, and Marlene joined them, while Mary began to work for St Mungos, and Lily? Lily couldn't tell them what she did. She merely said she worked for the ministry, and James squeezed her hand as she did so. They were all members of the Order of the Phoenix, and so Lily became acquainted with a great many people she wouldn't otherwise have met. Even with James in her life. Although he'd have made it harder to miss them. James attracted attention wherever he went. He was born to lead. He unconsciously dragged everyone else into his pace. He saw the world, and he saw how he could change it, and that excited him. Lily had always seen the world for what it was, resistant to change, although it pretended to change every day, and so was attracted to the easy way in which he proved her wrong.

Mary Macdonald died in the spring. The red brick walls Lily had loved were now blackened with soot, not paint. Some Death Eater had shot a spell into the fire, and it had exploded, bringing down a large portion of the ceiling. They found her on the sofa, blood leaking from a crack beneath the matted blonde curls on top of her head, her skin dirty. She was wearing the same beautiful floaty silk dress they'd bought together in Corfu.

They buried her in the Abbey with her younger brother, who'd died at seven in that ridiculous broomstick collision when they were all fifteen. He was her reason for becoming a healer, and Lily watched Mary's mother cry for all her little lambs, clutching onto James, remembering Marlene's expressionless face as they stood together amidst the destruction. Remus had to take Marlene home. Sirius tried to, but she didn't let Sirius touch her these days, shaking off his concern before his fingers even brushed her wrist.

_**Old photographs much too late at night. I dream of times I wish I could leave behind. And I always wake up ugly and dissatisfied. **_

There were twenty-two of them in the Order as 1978 turned to 1979. New Years Eve. They took a picture and celebrated that they were alive, that they had a brief existence during the war.

Alastor Moody, Albus Dumbledore, Dedalus Diggle, Marlene McKinnon, Frank and Alice Longbottom who were recently married, Emmaline Vance, Remus Lupin, Benjy Fenwick, Edgar Bones, Sturgis Podmore, Caradoc Dearborn, Rubeus Hagrid, Elphias Doge, wearing the stupidest hat James had ever seen, Gideon Prewett, Fabian Prewett, his younger twin, Aberforth Dumbledore, Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black, James Potter, Lily Evans and Peter Pettigrew.

Two weeks later Marlene died with the rest of her family in their home. She'd just been visiting. Just for the day, and just like that, she was gone, and Lily wished it were different, as she always did, but her wishes never came true. Sirius went a little mad. James had a hard time looking after Lily and Sirius at the same time. It was just members of the Order at the funeral. Everyone else was dead. There was no family left to mourn them.

'_Did you ever-?'_

But James couldn't finish the question, and Sirius never answered him. He started to sleep in his own apartment after that. He stopped cutting his hair. He didn't care what he looked like anymore, and Lily worried about him. She worried that he was going to take off on his motorbike and fly to Travers and throw his life away trying to take down as many possible Death Eaters as he could.

_**Fear in your eyes is all I see. Your weakness is a sign of defeat. I've been here before. This is nothing new, but my stomach is in knots from thinking of what I'll do. **_

James and Lily married very quietly in the Summer of 1979. Caradoc Dearborn went missing on the way back from their wedding. They guessed the Death Eaters got him. There were only twenty of them now. But they clung to their happiness like an island.

Lily didn't have a bridesmaid. There was no-one left who she would have wanted to fill the position, but Alice Longbottom was her maid of honour, because she understood what it was like to worry that your husband would never come home, because she was only a little older than Lily, because she'd lost her friends too, but mostly because she'd loved Marlene. The two had been training to be Aurors together, and she was the one who remembered that Marlene wasn't around to tell Lily to go home and sleep sometimes. She was the one who took over the duty, and Lily was very grateful. It was the two of them, Dorcas Meadowes and Emmaline Vance at her Hen Party. All members of the Order. Yet more friends Lily might lose, but they were the only friends she could really trust these days.

James found it hard to believe that he still had all his friends. He understood that Lily would never wish it differently, but he also knew that she wished she had his luck. The only family she had left was a sister who refused to talk to her. It doesn't stop her writing to Petunia every year, and it doesn't stop her addressing it like they were still children.

'_Dear Tuney…'_

He wished Lily didn't do that to herself, but he understood why she did. She loved him, but sometimes that connection wasn't enough. He noticed it more and more as their friends left them one by one.

Dorcas Meadowes was killed personally by Lord Voldemort, and Edgar Bones was murdered along with his wife and children. Little Emily and little Bice. They met Amelia at the funeral, and James realised the true mark of people was left on those they left behind. Pregnant, Amelia was already certain her unborn daughter would be named Susan, like the Susan who would have been her aunt, Edgar's wife.

Mrs Potter died in the fall of 1979 from a wizarding illness, and they moved to Godric's Hollow in her wake. To the real house James knew and loved, with a welcome mat at the front door. A wizarding village was best, Lily used to say, so they could raise their children. He'd noticed the change in her since finding out she was pregnant. Their friends were still dying, but as Alice Longbottom used to say, she was living for two now. James liked to see Alice and Lily together, both of them were in about the same place in their pregnancies, and they bickered over clothing and toys like the expectant mothers they were. He became good friends with Frank, and saw his friend enjoying the same life in his wife's face as James saw in Lily's.

_**You think you had your rise. I'm here to deliver your fall. You showed me your hand, now it's my turn to call.**_

Benjy Fenwick was blasted into pieces by the Death Eaters. Alastor Moody lost his nose. The Prewett brothers took down five Death Eaters between them as they fell, fighting their way out of an ambush they had walked into unawares.

'_Constant vigilance.'_

James fought like a demon, his only goal to survive, to make it home to Lily each night, and their unborn son. He wanted Sirius to be Godfather. Knew that Sirius needed something in his life, and hoped that Harry would be enough.

There were new members in the Order, Minerva McGonagall, and the Weasleys, Molly Weasley had been the sister of Gideon and Fabian Prewett, and James could tell she had joined not to fight for their revenge, but to make sure Arthur Weasley did not follow suit. Lily and Alice had needed someone like Molly in their lives. They had been nervous, although they couldn't admit it, but Molly had her newborn son, Ron, and twins Fred and George, and Percy, and Charlie, and Bill, and so was an expert on giving birth, and incredibly reassuring for them.

James hated to remember the close shaves he and Lily had had over the years fighting Voldemort. He knew being in the Order represented a great deal of risk, but he often joked about gaining grey hairs in their fight against him. When Dumbledore came to them and the Longbottoms, he knew he had to stop fighting. He knew they had to go into hiding.

_**You can see me when I'm gone.**_

Lily spent a lot of her time reminiscing. She can't remember a day when she and Petunia didn't fight, but she knows Petunia didn't used to hate her so much, so she kept writing letters.

'_His name is Harry.'_

Being a mother suits her. James was careful never to let it slip that the Death Eater they found listening into that prophecy was Severus Snape. He could tell Lily was still bitter about her friendship with the Slytherin boy. He knows she can't yet call him Snape, even though she doesn't call him Sev anymore. Lily can't believe that they were once best friends. She can't understand why she ever thought they had things in common, or how she was so mistaken. Mostly, when she remembered, she was sad, because she can't believe they ever reached this point. With him wearing the Dark Mark on his sleeve. She would be disgusted, and James doesn't need that kind of victory anymore. He won a long time ago.

Sirius Black is their secret keeper. Neither of them could ever imagine trusting anyone else with their lives. They understand Dumbledore's concerns, as he instructs them on how to perform the task. They know there's an intruder in their midst, but they know it isn't Sirius. They know it isn't any of their friends. They see how happy Sirius is, and they know that somehow he was worried they thought he was the traitor, and they laugh at him.

'_They'll all know it was me. I know I'd never give it away, I'd die before I told anyone, but I'd like an insurance. Make it Peter. They'll never guess you'd choose Peter.' _

In the end, Lily Potter died on Halloween in 1981. James Potter died before her, trying to protect his home from one of the darkest wizards who ever lived. But the Dark Mark never floated above Godric's Hollow, unlike all the houses of their friends, because Harry Potter lived.

_**Overcome me. All I'm asking is to be alive.**_

'_From beginning to end, the real love story, and the moments that mattered the most occurred in the places in between one drama and the next. It was the little things that kept me happy, that kept our relationship alive. It was not the words I love you, which were never necessary because I already knew. It showed in that you waited for me and you never gave up on me. And I loved to hear you say so, but in the end the world revolved because you were here with me, and that made all the difference. If I were to live again I would live the same life I lived with you. I would relive every awkward moment, time and time again, to share my life with you.'_

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Author Notes:

This story was written to fit in with the cannon, so if you see any glaring errors please tell me so I can correct them. Criticism should be constructive.

Luv Ya

XxMookinexX

©2011 XxMookinexX. All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of XxMookinexX.


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